A boundary is a
limit or space between
You and the other
person. A clear space,
Where you begin and the other person ends.
It is to protect
and take good care of you.
Today, I took a phone call that I
did not intend to. I had just returned home after a long travel. I made my
first cup of coffee and sat
to relax and
When the phone rang and I answered,
it was from a bank, she said perkily “I’m
in your apartment complex and can I drop in?”. I was constricted for a second ,
and no sooner than
I had said “Yes!” The doorbell rang. The young manager of
early thirty and
another younger man stepped in and she said chirpily, “Hi Ma’am, so pleased to meet
you” etc. I was annoyed at her nonchalance and decided to take the gauntlet head on. I said “Yes, March is nearing
and I’m sure you’d like to meet your targets, I’m very sorry I have no interest
in insurance or investments”. There was an awkward silence.
I invited them for a cup of coffee
and spoke about inane stuff and then
Now they were offended and ruffled,
they were the injured party.
The question I’m left with is, Have
we forgotten to respect a client’s time and space? When I said I could have
appreciated an appointment request, she says you could have said “No”, “I would
have gone to the next client”.
Something within me left
me jolted at this
careless approach. It then seems a logical step to create boundaries.
Boundaries, which help in safe guarding one’s own time and space.
In our country, which is by and
large a collective, community living and saying No! is a deeply difficult task (no it’s not that
we lack Self-Esteem,
it’s a cultural DNA). Boundaries are a healthy way of taking care of oneself.
It facilitates a space of our own and a way to tell our self that “I matter”.
When I set a boundary, I am telling
the truth about myself. I take responsibility for how I feel, what I want and
who I am right now.
boundary gives me a chance to hold a transparent communication, with myself and then with others.
No! No! I’m not setting a boundary
because you are wrong or you are to blame , but that I would like
to take responsibility to keep myself in
care . To listen to oneself instead of somebody else.
In a nutshell, it is a transparent
declaration that you are
unable or unwilling to go any further, at this time. This concept of “Boundary
setting” is a relatively new one we were not taught to take care of
ourselves first, we were told to obey our parents,
teachers, then bosses and so on. This is no longer a privilege it is about
autonomy and choice.
Deciding to create your own choice
and learning to deepen your relationship with yourself is a primary task of
Imagine “Freedom” to be a space
where you do not agree/obey to do something because you are “supposed” to or because of
how others will
perceive you. But because you want to. Do you savour the difference? That’s the taste
Never having to feel bad about
yourself or your choices instead, accounting to yourself first, before you do it to
Most importantly, setting boundaries
honors and recognizes
you as a living, breathing human being. It frees you and acknowledges
that you were born and your are worthy, because are alive.
Till we meet again, visit
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