Shyleswari Mohan

Welcome to Ved vyas inner space


Very often people are conditioned to binary thinking.

Good and bad

Right and wrong

Should and should not

Normal and Abnormal

I am sure many of our parents have advised us to ask yourself, Is this the best you can do? If in your heart you hear a Yes ! Then do it, if you hear a muffled voice don’t do it.

Two things possibly happen, you ended up not knowing whether it was your Fear speaking, or whether it was really your conscience speaking.

The second thing that could happen is, that you probably became very Self Righteous, and that led to judgments about others who in your eyes were not “doing” according to what you would do.

When I started my journey with Indian Society Of Applied Behavioural Science , I came across the statement “There are no right or wrong” ! Huh? How’s that?

As I observed and processed, yes, there were many many shades of grey and my own levels of deeper understanding of human behaviour grew. I could see that people acted differently because of various factors like, values, beliefs, situations or needs. The quality of relationships became more meaningful.

Let’s take a look at Right and Wrong

When I am stuck with my strategies, this is the only way to do it , this is the only way to think , this is the only way to behave “My way or the high way”. It makes a person Self Righteous.

The person exerts a certain positionality, that slowly becomes rigid and inflexible, add virtuousness and it is the best masala for being a spicy opinionated know- it- all Alec .

Righteousness emerges and stays with three friends Being Right, Resentment and Rigidity . These three big fellas live in a house where there are others who also live together. Sometimes they interchange their rooms, sometimes all of them live in the Living Room, making it difficult for Shy , Sensitive or Respectful to stay in Harmony.

Let’s take this episode where Rajesh and Rani, a happily married couple I know, seemed to suddenly have broken off. Reason? Rajesh did not approve of Rani’s ability to shower her love on her nieces & nephews. So much so when her sister passed away , she wanted to take one of her nephew’s a (6 years old) as a foster child. After rounds and rounds of dialoguing even mediating Rajesh could not flex in any way. They broke up.

When the three R’s (i.e, Being right, Resentment and Rigidity) dominate, the slow erosion of Comfort, Joy and Spontaneity evaporates, leaving behind Discontent, Dysfunction, and Distrust.

For instance, a confused mind lives on the chaos, scatters chaos , and breeds more and more Rigidity.

The spaciousness, the respect and ability to see another’s view point is gradually vanishing, that is missing in our lives. I sometimes see it being taken over by earphones and other gadgets , like a ready beckoner , we rarely have a no feed time , we are constantly being fed, with live streaming, of someone or something. That those moment when we used to stare blankly , listen to our thoughts , and understand another are totally mired into the social media.

Being right makes you just that-Right! Not happy.

How would it be if you looked beyond binary thinking and saw shades of grey?

Food for thought indeed. What do you say??  

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